i cant help feeling like i’m missing something

even social insights are reusable

What's the matter with the clothes I'm wearing
Can't you tell that your tie's too wide
Maybe I should buy some old tab collars
Welcome back to the age of jive
Where have you been hidin' out lately, honey
You can't dress trashy
'Til you spend a lot of money
Everybody's talkin' 'bout the new sound
Funny, but it's still rock and roll to me

What's the matter with the car I'm drivin'
Can't you tell that it's out of style
Should I get a set of white wall tires
Are you gonna cruise a miracle mile
Nowadays you can't be too sentimental
You best bet's a true baby blue Continental
Hot funk, cool punk, even if it's old junk
It's still rock and roll to me

Oh, it doesn't matter what they say in the papers
'Cause it's always been the same old scene
There's a new band in town
But you can't get the sound
From a story in a magazine
Aimed at your average teen

How about a pair of pink sidewinders
And a bright orange pair of pants
Well, you could really be a Beau Brummel baby
If you just give it half a chance
Don't waste your money on a new set of speakers
You get more mileage from a cheap pair of sneakers
Next phase, new wave , dance craze, anyways
It's still rock and roll to me


What's the matter with the crowd I'm seein'
Don't you know that their out of touch
Should I try to be a straight 'A' student
If you are then you think too much
Don't you know about the new fashion honey
All you need are looks and a whole lotta money
It's the next phase, new wave , dance craze, anyways
It's still rock and roll to me

I keep your secrets

I am fairly persistent at doing a whole lot of nothing. I have constant Monday-itis and its driving me insane.
Right along with everything else in my life right now.
It’s hard to exist in a group of people who are constantly misleading each other. I feel like a fly on the wall all the time and I watch them interact with each other and wonder how they can be happy with this?

From all my years of sitting quietly in the background has given me this insight into people and how they work. It sounds so patronizing and well… stuck up. But from never having to be in social situations, from never having any friends and from spending my time on the sideline… in a way has made me better but at the same time worse. And its hard to explain it to someone I care about it when I have no proof other than what I know in my heart is true. So I will always be the bad guy. I will always be seen as the judgmental one. The rude one. But I am not judging them; at least I try not to. They are welcome to do and say what they like.

But when it concerns someone who means everything to me then I can’t sit back and watch it all happen. Mainly because I don’t want to let this person think it is okay to treat me in this way. I don’t want to end up feeling like I can treat people that way.

Honesty is the best policy and I am honest to a fault. Blunt to the point of no return and if it’s not right. Well I don’t want to be.

And if I am to be honest then I feel disgust that I am the one that is constantly judged. I am the crazy one who needs help, the shit girlfriend, the trashy talentless idiot who picks the wrong friends and makes time for the wrong people. The only thing stopping me from giving out everyone of these assholes secrets is that it would hurt the one person who (most of the time) doesn’t deserve it. Not the ones who do.

It’s all well and good, but my happy face is tiring of their bullshit.

Its all so cliché and corny but I feel like I’m being sucked into a place and being morphed into someone I don’t want to be. I want more but don’t have the guts to do it. Or the skills. Either or. I am proficient in self loathing and wallowing in self pity though. So if you need lessons please feel free to contact me.

I need some sort of stability and in this world and with this life it’s not something I have. All I have to rely on is always having a vodka in one hand and a smoke in the other and all my brain cells and memories and what little talent I have just going down the drain.

I hate that person. But I don’t know how to be anyone else.